I woke up this morning with a heavy heart.
I don’t have any idea when did this feeling start but it has been so many days now. I just felt unproductive and irresponsible how I leave some people behind for the sake of my laziness. This is awful. I’m awful.
But can you blame me? I’m tired of the things life’s offering me. I want something grand and something worth my time. And I know! I know that I need to finish my damn school works for the sake of my grades but I just–I’m not in the mood to do so. And trust me, no matter how hard I would try, it wouldn’t end up nicely.
I’m not tired physically because I haven’t done anything to make me feel weak. But I am tired mentally and emotionally. And people just don’t get it. My mom says I’m lazy. Yeah, she doesn’t get it either.
I am not lazy.
I just lack motivation and inspiration. My mind bombards me every night and I couldn’t sleep. I think of all the possibilities. What if I run away? What if I leave everything behind? What if?
I read a quote from a book written by Paulo Coelho. And it says, “No one lights a lamp in order to hide it behind the door: the purpose of light is to create more light, to open people’s eyes to reveal the marvels around. No one places her dreams in the hands of those who might destroy them.”
Yet this is happening to me at the damn moment.
I don’t wanna leave my stuffs behind. I worked hard to get this far. But I know deep deep inside my heart, I wouldn’t grow if I stayed in this place.
This is not the life I wanted. This is not the place I wanted to be in.